


A Fully Unfunctional Human

by faithfulcat111



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: College Roommates AU, Gen, but nothing graphic, just has been a horrible semester for them, lot of injuries
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-18
Updated: 2018-08-18
Packaged: 2019-06-29 08:24:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15725637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/faithfulcat111/pseuds/faithfulcat111
Summary: It has been one hell of a semester. After all 27 Student Health/ER visits between four people in four months is nothing to sneeze at. Just be sure to do it in a tissue if you do.





	A Fully Unfunctional Human

**Author's Note:**

> This is based on an actual experience. Everything you are about to read happened to me and my roommates last semester in this exact timeline. It was insane. Some of the conversations have been changed due to my own poor memory, but I confirmed the timeline with my roommates, so I know that is right. And consider this a slice of life, so some things just don't get explained.

“Frick!” Virgil grabbed at his left wrist, pulling away from his laptop.   
One of his roommates shot his head up from the book he was reading while curled up on the couch. “Are you okay, Virgil?” Patton asked.  
“I'm fine,” Virgil grimaced, rolling his wrist and trying to ignore the shooting pain.   
“You've been complaining about your wrist all day,” Logan stepped out of his and Roman’s bedroom into their living room. “Are you sure you don't want to go to Student Health?”  
Virgil glanced down at the clock on his laptop, “They closed 10 minutes ago. If my wrist is still bothering me, I'll go on Monday. I don't have class till 11 anyway.”  
“And what about tonight?” Logan asked. When Virgil didn't answer, Logan sighed, “At least let me wrap it. I don't want you going out tonight with it in that much pain.”  
“It's just a bake sale,” Virgil groaned, but followed Logan back into his bedroom and let his wrist be wrapped.

In hindsight, Virgil was grateful for the wrap and had Logan and Roman help him the rest of the weekend. It certainly helped carry things while setting up and taking down the bake sale his theatre troupe was held during intermission of their current musical. But he was so grateful when it closed and Monday came around. Carpel tunnel. Early onset, but years of sprained wrists from falling and hours of tech prepping for the musical finally caught up to him. If only it ended there.   
That afternoon, Virgil was curled up on the couch this time, avoiding his homework as it hurt to use his computer while scrolling away on his phone. Roman walked in through the front door, tapping on his own phone while loudly saying, “Okay, I have about 45 minutes until I have to pick up my kids. I don't have a show tonight, but I might be going out to Harley’s with Logan. Did you go to student health?”  
Virgil held up his left wrist showing off his brand-new wrist brace. “They say it is early onset so I should be able to take it off in a few weeks. But I need to take it easy.”  
“Is that through finals?” Roman asked.  
Virgil shook his head, “Just dead week. But I can't type right now unless I pluck like a chicken at the keys and I still have a paper to finish.”  
“Yikes,” Roman glances back at his phone. “I'm going to take a speed nap. See you soon, doll.”  
Virgil gave a wave as he looked back down at his phone. But not two minutes later, there was a loud thud from the back bedroom and accompanied by a cry of pain. Virgil leapt off the couch and ran back into the bedroom to find Roman laying on the floor squinting at the ceiling. “What happened?” Virgil asked, slightly panicked as he crouched down next to him.  
“I fell off the bed,” Roman gasped as he started to push himself up, propping himself up on the desk behind him. Virgil looked up at Roman’s bed, the top of the bunks. Roman gasped again, his face twisting in pain as he grabbed at his right leg. “Where is my phone?” he finally whimpered.  
Virgil hopped up and grabbed the phone from where it had been placed on Roman’s bed. Roman called a number as another figure appeared in the bedroom doorway. “Are you okay?” Brian asked. “I heard one very loud thud and a bunch of little thuds from my apartment downstairs.”  
“Roman fell off the bed and hurt his foot,” Virgil explained, standing back up.  
“Ankle,” Roman clarified with a grimace before the person he was calling answered. “Logan!”  
“Roman? What happened?” Logan crackled over the poor connection, the sound of a dog barking in the distance.   
“I fell. I think I need to go see the doctor. But that isn’t important. I need to pick up my kids and I don’t think I can drive and they know you,” Roman suddenly cut himself off, looking up at Virgil. “Can you drive? Like I know you can, but can you drive my van?”  
Virgil faltered for a minute before softly answering, “Yeah. No problem.”  
“Okay, nevermind!” Roman tried to sound cheerful. “Virgil will go with me and drive. And then we’ll go to the hospital.”  
“Okay, okay,” Logan said. “You need to call your mom unless you have already. She isn’t going to be happy.”  
Roman laughed, “I know. Bye doll.” Logan muttered a bye before Roman hung up and looked up at Virgil, “Care lending a hand?” Virgil helped Roman to his feet.   
“Can I help?” Brian asked, inching towards the door.  
Virgil shook his head and Brian left while the two very slowly made it down the stairs. It was quite a feat considering they lived three floors up with no elevators and Roman was five inches taller than Virgil, but they somehow made it out to the van. Virgil started it up while Roman called his mom and explained the situation. “You’re what?” Roman asked holding out a hand to stop Virgil from shifting out of park. “Okay, fifteen minutes? See you then.” Roman hanged up and leaned back in his seat. “My mom happened to come to town this afternoon. She’ll help me pick up the kids and take me to the hospital.”  
“Oh,” Virgil said, turning the van back off. “Can I help you with anything else?”   
Roman shook his head, looking down at his rapidly swelling ankle, “Thanks, buddy. I’ll see you later tonight.”  
“Yeah, be safe,” Virgil said, leaving the van while Roman chuckled. He looked back at the van halfway to the house, before turning and walking back inside. 

“I can’t believe he is still performing,” Logan muttered while he handed their tickets over. “I guess not even fracturing his ankle will stop that idiot from performing.”  
“Well, they did pull him from all the dance scenes,” Patton pointed out, trying to stay cheerful.   
“I know, but he should have backed out. He isn’t even playing a main character this time around,” Logan groaned as they walked into the theatre. The three had bought tickets to go see Roman’s performance with the community theatre troupe. Roman had joined that show while Virgil was working tech on their school’s performance of a different show. Which led to some confusion in the apartment while they overlapped.   
But Logan’s point was quickly proven as they watched the show. Every time Roman was on stage, his face was pulled into a barely concealed grimace and in some scenes, you could actively see him limping. By the time the three went backstage to check on him after the show, even optimistic Patton was concerned.   
“Who are you?” one of the other cast members asked, vaguely recognizing Virgil and Logan, but not enough to place them.   
“We’re Roman’s roommates,” Logan explained, trying to keep a smile on his face.   
“Oh,” the cast member crossed his arms, a faint smile pulling at the corners of his lips. “Why did none of you catch him when he fell?”  
“Well, we weren’t home,” Logan gestured between Patton and himself.  
When the cast member looked over at Virgil, he just lifted up his left hand, showing off his own brace. “Well, aren’t you guys just a mess?” he laughed.   
“We’re trying,” Logan laughed, but much more nervously. At that moment, Roman limped into the room, collapsing in the chair next to Logan, and snatching up his leg brace. Logan waited until the cast member left before asking, “Are you going to keep performing?”   
“Yes,” Roman said, determinedly while pulling on the straps. “I only have four more shows. I’ll be fine.” Logan made a noise of disagreement but didn’t say anything else. “I’m going to stay at my parents tonight,” Roman added. “Don’t let that darn dog squish you.”  
“Okay,” Logan sighed, looking down at his hands. “We better get going. I still have to drop these two off at home before driving out there.” 

When Virgil got out of class on Thursday, he nearly dropped his phone in shock at the large number of text messages in his apartment group chat, mainly between Logan and Roman. He quickly scanned them as he ran home, out of breath before he even crossed the deathtrap of a road in front of his house. Upstairs, he found Logan sitting on the couch, his left leg propped up on the coffee table with an ice pack on it. “What happened?” he asked, dropping his backpack in the doorway as Patton walked in behind him.   
“Don’t worry, I didn’t fracture it,” Logan sighed. “Just a sprain. Thomas took me to the doctor already.”   
“Did I read the text correctly?” Patton asked, looking back down at his own phone.   
“Yup,” Logan grimaced. “Fell down some stairs. And you two were in class and Roman certainly couldn’t come to get me. So Thomas and Remy did.” Logan looked up at Virgil, “I still don’t know how you managed to get up and keep walking after you fell down the stairs in February and last November.”   
“I didn’t sprain my ankle in February, just scratched up my knee. And all I knew in November is I still had work to do before poor Valerie could come to pick me up and I was alone in the building,” Virgil explained, keeping his voice low.   
Logan sighed, looking back down at his ankle. “Wait,” Patton suddenly said. “Between the three of you, you make almost a fully unfunctional human.”  
“That leaves you, Pat,” Virgil said.   
Patton looked down at his right wrist and whispered in a horrified whisper, “Oh no!”

Really, it shouldn’t have surprised them. And it almost didn’t. Especially after Patton negated going to swing dance on Sunday night to go to sleep early. Something he hadn’t done all year. He loved swing so much that he kept going despite his body’s aches and pains. But he decided to sleep early that night. And the next morning, he stumbled out of his and Virgil’s bedroom, nose running and throat croaky and asked Logan if he could drive him to Student Health. Logan was already going so that Roman could get a bigger brace as the one he had wasn’t nearly tall enough. But the four piled into the car and started off, Roman awkwardly stretched across the back seat with Patton curled up in a ball beside him.   
“What visit does this make?” Virgil asked as they pulled out of the parking lot.  
Logan furrowed his brow as he thought, “I think, keeping both Roman and Patton separate, this is trip 26 and 27 to either Student Health or the ER for one of us four.”  
“This school year?” Virgil asked.  
Roman laughed, “This semester.”  
“Jeez,” Virgil said. “I know I’ve only been twice.”  
“This is my first,” Patton spoke up from under his hood.   
“Man, you two went 24 times?” Virgil asked, twisting in his seat to see both Logan and Roman.   
“I’m convinced that the danger of whatever this is is following Logan,” Roman said.  
“Nope,” Logan countered. “During the brief time when I moved upstairs and Virgil moved downstairs with you last semester, nothing happened to me, but Virgil fell down stairs and sprained his ankle.”  
There was a brief moment of silence before Roman whispered, horrified, “It is following me.”  
The entire care burst into laughter. After another moment of silence, Patton spoke up in his congested voice, “I thought of something guys.”  
“What?” Logan asked.  
“We can make a fully unfunctional human. I sprained my right wrist at swing a month and a half ago. I was just way earlier than you guys,” Patton said.  
“We are a mess,” Virgil laughed, running one hand through his hair.   
The entire car joined in as they pulled into the Student Health parking lot for hopefully the last time that semester. Spoiler alert: It wasn’t.


End file.
